Invent a completely new language.

Language creation in progress.

Have conversations become boring? It’s the same old words over and over and over? Are you sick and tired of spouting English, French, Spanish, Chinese and other common languages? Looking for something new and refreshing? Have you already learned Klingon, Elvish, Esperanto, Lojban and Pig Latin–but now you’re bored of them too?

There’s a solution. Devise your very own language!

The creation of completely new languages is called conlanging. (That’s a new word to me!) Your very first step should be a visit to the Language Creation Society website. You’ll find everything you need to begin the detailed construction of your own unique language.

Once your new language is complete–in perhaps ten or twenty years–you can release it to the world and become a linguistic celebrity.

Or you could keep your new language a secret. If it catches on and a whole bunch of people begin to use it, you might quickly become bored of it, too.

Art meets sausage.

Not found at an art supply store.

Are you feeling creative? Do you have an excess of Vienna sausages?

You can make really cute sculptures using tiny sausages. Here’s the website you must visit.

I can’t read Japanese, but I can click on images. And I can understand basic diagrams. I really like that sausage sheep. Is the wool made of cauliflower?

I think I’m gonna make a run to the grocery store!

Have you considered edible art for your New Year’s Eve party? Put a dish of them next to your epic toothpick sculpture of the ball drop at Times Square. Cheers!

Body Armor made of Legos

Legos would look more cool.

Okay, so you’re not inclined to defend Canada or drive about in an invisible tank (see last post). And you can’t afford Kevlar. But you still need an extra layer of personal protection. (You needn’t explain why.)

Why not assemble some custom body armor made of Legos?

As you might imagine, manufacturing your own Lego body armor is a snap. And should a direct hit shatter your armor, simply reassemble. With a little creativity, you can make your armor look really neato. Just like the body armor in Halo, for example.

I’m going to dump my old box of Legos onto the floor and piece together a really cool red and white checkered Batman suit.

Treasure hunter pans city sidewalks for gold.

I’d rather have this.

The streets of your city might be paved with gold. Well, perhaps not paved with gold–just sprinkled with gold!

With a pie pan, a bucket of water, a broom and dustpan, it’s possible that you could make yourself wealthy!

In Manhattan, New York, a man named Raffi Stepanian has panned gold, diamonds and other precious gems from the city sidewalks… In one week he made $819!

He takes mud and debris from the sidewalks of the Diamond District and runs it through a filter. In these tough economic times, urban prospecting might catch on!

Check out his pic and video here.

Sign up to colonize Mars.

Make this your new home.

Okay wannabe astronauts, now that I have your attention… I actually haven’t figured out where you can sign up for a Mars mission. Sorry. But I DO know where you can prepare yourself mentally: at the Marspedia!

Learn everything you’ll need to know about your future journey to and colonization of the red planet!

Be bold! Go where no one has gone before! Prepare yourself for the ultimate adventure! And you better be very very well-prepared, because to save money and resources, chances are you won’t be returning to Earth!

Spend the remainder of your life on a barren red rock! Melt water ice! Smelt rocks! Avoid dust storms! Eat algae! Oh, boy! Where can I sign up?

How to make a water balloon catapult.

Lay siege to your neighbor’s house.

Summers were loads of fun. As kids we all enjoyed soaking our friends in wild backyard water balloon battles.

We’d fling those jiggly soggy half-filled balloons at each other and hope they’d hit and burst. But you really couldn’t throw them that far without breaking the fragile balloons in your hand and drenching yourself.

Looking back now, I really, really wish I’d known how to make a massively cool water balloon catapult!

In medieval times, besieged castles were attacked with rock-throwing catapults called trebuchets. These nifty contraptions were designed to hurl heavy missiles great distances with remarkable accuracy. In modern times, clever kids who want to toss water balloons (or watermelons or cow paddies) hundreds of feet can build their very own trebuchet following these handy dandy directions.

My advise: if you’re a truly ambitious kid, build a high-powered catapult now before your nemesis next door builds their own castle.

A real motel for hobbits.

Nice view.

Are you short of stature and good-natured? Do you enjoy lots of food, lots of drink and good company? Do you have hairy feet? Do you like to live in a hole in the ground?

Well, if you’re travelling in New Zealand you’ll probably want to check into The Hobbit Motel. Seriously!

The Hobbit Motel is fashioned to look like Bilbo’s and Frodo’s hobbit hole in Hobbiton in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And the ceilings and doorways are appropriately sized! If you’re one of the big people, you might have to duck a bit. If you’re a tall specimen of the big people, perhaps you’ll have to crawl on all fours. But what fun!

The most remote place on Earth.

Somewhere out there.

Want to get away from it all? Well, head on out to Tristan da Cunha and you’ll be 1,750 miles from the nearest land. Don’t worry, however, you won’t be entirely lonely. You’ll have a handful of hardy neighbors on an island that’s so small most cartographers don’t bother to map it!

I suppose it would be a good place to hang out if you love fishing. And fishing. And…um…?

Get some real x-ray glasses!

I’m sure this is what you’d love looking at.

My inner nerd is really excited now!

Check out these actual, real, honest-to-goodness x-ray specs! Not those phony things with swirled lenses you’d buy from the back page of a comic book. The real thing! Hooray for science!

Funny–even the geeky scientists who invented this can’t help mentioning on their web page how they can barely see through bikinis. I guess human nature is just like a scientific and mathematical constant…constant!

Take flight in your own personal jetpack!

Can’t find one at Costco yet.

Cool! I could use one of these! No need for a car, no need for a garage, no need for roads! And what’s more, no need for a pilot’s license! Sweet!

Drive this baby with just two joysticks. Heck, if you can master semi-complicated video game controls, this oughta be a piece of cake. The one problem I see is refueling. That might prove difficult. Oh, well…