Tag Archives: freebies

How to score free beer.

Make sure that no one is looking.
Make sure that no one is looking.

Here are a number of important pointers concerning Saturday night, sincere friendship, home brewing, halftime celebrations, bar hopping, basic everyday manners, inebriation, and most importantly, how to score free beer:

1. Never let people see you vomit.

2. As you become intoxicated, make certain you remain sociable.

3. Very gradually, drink by drink, become more entertaining.

4. Never sip. Your host might fear you are being critical.

5. Never move too quickly. (Avoid spills.)

6. Never beg. Apply lavish, enthusiastic compliments instead. That really is the best brew you’ve ever tasted.

7. Enliven the party by showing everyone that strange trick with your tongue. Place bets that you can repeat the trick later.

8. Drink beer through your nose.

9. Drop a cocktail napkin accidentally on the floor. Sop up your spilt beer.

10. Find an empty glass and wring your shirt when you get home.

Find stashes of free money – UPDATE!

You might even find a two dollar bill.
You might even find a two dollar bill.

In my earlier post “find stashes of money in your city” I described my experience with a distinctive old gentlemen on the trolley.

Yesterday I saw him again while I was walking downtown!

He was sitting on one of the benches north of the Star of India, just gazing out at the water, and I stopped in surprise and asked him if he’d found any more money. I don’t think he recognized me.

He was grumbling on and on about how the police are out to treat him horribly.

“Don’t you remember our talk on the trolley about people hiding money?” I asked. His eyes brightened up and he asked me for a couple dollars.

If he found any more money, it doesn’t appear that he found much.

Sell nice landfill garbage on Ebay.

A great place to find cool stuff.
A great place to find cool stuff.

Here’s a great way to make some extra money! (Follow this advice only where this activity is legal.)

The other day I hauled a load of dead branches and stumps to the local landfill. While tossing debris from the back of my truck, I noted that there was a whole lot of interesting and potentially valuable garbage strewn about the dump. I took a few minutes, once my truck was empty, to pick through the trash. I found the following:

A very nice wooden stool with a broken leg.

A very expensive vacuum cleaner, broken and with no cord.

A bent umbrella.

A cracked aquarium.

Some dentures.

A dozen or so bits of beautiful mud-covered stained glass.

A toilet seat.

Some sort of fancy electronic equipment that I haven’t yet identified.

A ton of slightly moldy magazines.

A very small roll of brand new green shag carpeting.

Plastic bags containing what appears to be an extensive collection of sparkly rocks.

Several pretty old shoes.

A few more interesting things I haven’t yet identified.

So far, I’ve made nearly 3 dollars!

Find stashes of money in your city.

You might even find a two dollar bill.
You might even find a two dollar bill.

Yesterday I rode the trolley home from work. You see all sorts of different people on public transportation, from all walks of life, and the older gentleman who sat opposite me was certainly interesting, and very talkative. He appeared to be homeless, though he never said that he was. He had indistinguishable tattoos all over and was deeply wrinkled and tangle-bearded and not terribly clean. But he sure was friendly.

During our rambling conversation, he somehow got to the subject of how to score free money. It was a topic that really animated him. He claimed that there were thousands of dollars hidden all over the city, and you just had to know where to look.

Apparently, people who live on the streets have a tendency to stash their money in secret but public places, to avoid being robbed. The fellow said that many homeless people use crystal meth to ease the pain of their situation, and that one unfortunate result of using that drug is that they become extremely forgetful. And bundles of cash are left forgotten in all sorts of unusual places.

With some skepticism I asked where all this money was hidden (I walk a lot downtown and I sure haven’t found any!) and he rattled off some likely places where he always searched.

He said that money was often left under larger stones, such as in public parks or in the landscaping in front of buildings. Or anything that can be easily lifted, in order to hide stuff undernearth. I thought to ask him if money was left under stepping stones, and he said no, almost never, it was too obvious.

He said underpasses or tunnels or similar dark places where the homeless sleep or hang out were probably the best places to look. He once found a couple hundred dollars dug into the dirt under a bridge. Anyway, that’s what he claimed, and he seemed perfectly serious.

According to him, hidden treasure can also be found behind pipes and vents along walls and in alleys, where passing people won’t notice. Also, in abandoned shopping carts that are full of collected junk. (I do see these from time to time, but they’re usually super disgusting, and I’ve never considered searching through them!)

Lastly, he mentioned public toilets, where the homeless often go to tidy up or engage in private activity, which he seemed to think was pretty funny. I don’t know where in a public restroom oodles of cash would be hidden–maybe under the sink?

I asked the old guy: when you find these caches of money, how do you know they were forgotten? He assured me that any money he found had been forgotten, and anyway, finders keepers and losers weepers.

I know that when I find coins on the sidewalk, I have no personal qualms about jingling them in my pocket. But if were to uncover hundreds of dollars…? Well, I suppose I’ll worry about that when it happens!

How to eat every day for nothing!

Too expensive.
Too expensive.

Want to save a lot of money? And you’re not a gourmet? No problem!

With inflation, food is becoming more and more expensive. Fortunately, there are all sorts of ways to eat for absolutely nothing. Just a suggestion: if you follow these free food ideas, you might want to take a vitamin pill every morning. Just saying!

Where you can acquire free land. Really!

Nice property.
Nice property.

Need a patch of nice land to live on? Do you desire some property in this great nation to call your own? And you seriously want to spend no money? Zip? Zero? Zilch? Nada? You think you’re out of luck?

The frontier days are long past, but believe it or not, there are still wide open places in the United States where you can acquire land for free. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this website for the details.

How to gatecrash a party, concert or sporting event.

This happens AFTER you gatecrash.
This happens AFTER you gatecrash.

So there’s a really great party, concert or sporting event coming up, but you don’t have an invite or a ticket. What do you do? You gatecrash, of course!

But how do you gatecrash without being caught? This sneaky website tells you how!

If you manage to streak nude across the stage during the Grammys, congratulations! You succeeded!

Lots of free psychedelic Hippie stuff.

This guy has lots of hippie stuff.
This guy has lots of Hippie stuff.

Are you a Hippie? Would you like to become one?

Download lots of very cool and very free psychedelic stuff at this mind-bending website. Find almost a thousand psychedelic wallpapers for your computer, free psychedelic screensavers, music, fonts, icons and more. Better than weed, shrooms and LSD!

Get trippy and go retro with more 60s and 70s themed goodies than the human mind can possibly comprehend! Wow, man! That’s groovy! There are also links to other really hip websites!

How to cyber-panhandle for free money.

Please give this guy 99 cents.
Please give this guy 99 cents.

Are you in desparate need of money? Are you too embarrassed or self-conscious to stand on a street corner with a cardboard sign begging while people stare at you? It’s possible to beg on the internet at this cyber begging website!

There are several benefits to cyber panhandling. One, you beg 24/7 even while you sleep. Two, you beg from the entire online world, not just passing pedestrians and motorists. Three, you can tell your entire sad story, and make readers feel so sympathetic they’ll send a few bucks (or more) your way. Four, you can be anonymous if you choose, and thereby avoid embarrassment or discomfort. One drawback with this site is you have to pay to be on it. But if you think people will respond to your need, it might be worth a try.