Tag Archives: kids

Weird mutant giant saves helpless tourists.

Holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

As we all know, superheroes don’t really exist. So when a genetic freak, a bizarre mutant giant was born in Italy, it became a serious national problem.

Geovanni, who at the age of 16 measured 149 meters tall, frightened everybody. Normal people considered the boy an ungodly freak and a definite nuisance. For a while he worked in a traveling circus. But after he got tangled in the big tent, it became obvious that no sideshow could hold him. For one truly amazing season he played professional basketball, until finally injuring his back from stooping.

The Pisa Chamber of Commerce finally had a brilliant idea. The Leaning Tower was at the point of tipping over. Instead of reinforcing the foundation, which would cost millions and take several years, they simply hired Geovanni. Tourists are now both perfectly safe and delighted!

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.
Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Yesterday a subway car rose through this downtown street like a sandworm from Dune. A young boy nearby remained fearless as the monstrous machinery emerged from its subterranean abode. This brave child, like the Emperor of Dune, might one day choose to become a formidable hybrid. Should this occur, he’ll resemble Thomas the Tank.

How to make a water balloon catapult.

Lay siege to your neighbor's house.
Lay siege to your neighbor’s house.

Summers were loads of fun. As kids we all enjoyed soaking our friends in wild backyard water balloon battles.

We’d fling those jiggly soggy half-filled balloons at each other and hope they’d hit and burst. But you really couldn’t throw them that far without breaking the fragile balloons in your hand and drenching yourself.

Looking back now, I really, really wish I’d known how to make a massively cool water balloon catapult!

In medieval times, besieged castles were attacked with rock-throwing catapults called trebuchets. These nifty contraptions were designed to hurl heavy missiles great distances with remarkable accuracy. In modern times, clever kids who want to toss water balloons (or watermelons or cow paddies) hundreds of feet can build their very own trebuchet following these handy dandy directions.

My advise: if you’re a truly ambitious kid, build a high-powered catapult now before your nemesis next door builds their own castle.