Tag Archives: sick

Old man buys nasty poster for retirement home.

Old man selects nasty poster for the retirement home.
Old man selects nasty poster for the retirement home.

Can you believe it? This old man was at the swap meet the other day, barely getting around with a cane. Several people photographed him choosing a nasty poster for his room in a retirement home. Do you think he chose the one on the left, or the one on the right?

Thinking too hard will make your head explode.

Pose often adopted before cranial explosion.
Pose often adopted before cranial explosion.

Don’t think too hard about the strange concept of exploding heads. Because your head might explode.

An article has appeared on MIT’s website detailing a rare electrical imbalance of the brain which can cause one’s head to ignite and rupture, spewing half-baked, bubbling gray matter in every direction.

Yes, a bloody explosion of your electrified brain paints a gruesome picture. It activates one’s morbid imagination. It tends to make one think. But don’t think too hard. You might become the next victim. Please don’t read any further if you detect strange sensations right now in the tender region encompassed by your skull. Because if you continue reading and keep on contemplating this mind-shattering phenomenon, your brain will begin to really fire up and out of the blue–boom–your head will probably explode.

Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis (HCE) is nothing to joke about. It’s deadly serious stuff. So don’t laugh. Laughter greatly increases cerebral electrification. By laughing uncontrollably you’ll come dangerously close to losing your brain.

If you’re still laughing and something dire happens, I refuse to be held responsible.

You’ve been warned.

The man who ate 18 bicycles, 7 televisions and 1 airplane.

A Cessna 150, one of the items Lotito ate.
A Cessna 150, one of the items Lotito ate.

Yes, such an unusual person existed. His name was Michel Lotito. He was one very hungry dude. Hungry for attention, that is.

Bananas and hard-boiled eggs made him sick, but inorganic matter was quite satisfying. He ate:

18 bicycles

15 shopping carts

7 televisions (before there were flat screens)

6 chandeliers

2 beds (I’m not sure if they were bunk beds)

1 pair of skis (mere toothpicks compared to everything else)

1 Cessna aircraft

1 coffin (I’m surprised this didn’t cause indigestion)

1 400 meter long steel chain (for dessert)

Now sing along with Mary Poppins: “Just a teaspoon of mineral oil helps the metal go down…”

I’ll bet his dentist (and the plumber) really loved him!

Oodles of sick demented nutjob wackadoodles.

Really nuts.
Really nuts.

So you want to see oodles and oodles of really sick demented nutjob wackadoodles? You’ve come to the right place!

These fine specimens of severely dysfunctional lame-brained humanity provide heaps and heaps of sadly insipid entertainment. Do such lunatics, losers, laggards and lunkheads actually exist? Yes, indeed. It seems reality is more tortured, twisted, trashy and tragic than even our most terrible imaginings.

You’ve been warned. Brace yourself. Take a deep breath. Here it comes…

Now swallow your pride and click this fascinating and pathetic link.

Leave work early: go home sick with a FAKE VOMIT.

Real vomit.
Real vomit.

Work sucks. You want to go home early. But you don’t have a good excuse.

Here’s what you do:

Place yourself in the company bathroom. Keep the door open. Place this fake vomit on the floor just inside the door.

Wait for a coworker to come strolling by outside. As they pass, kneel over the phony barf. Groan very loudly so your coworker looks inside the bathroom. Once they’ve had a good look at you bending over your plastic puke, straighten up and slam the door.

Your coworker will soon pass word around the office that you vomited. Just how gross and disgusting your vomit was will be described. It contained nasty chunks. Within a few moments your boss will be informed.

Pocket your fake vomit. After several minutes flush the toilet and emerge from the bathroom.

Go directly to your boss and explain you don’t feel well.

You will be sent home immediately.

From DIP STICK to LARD BUTT: a fun word game!

Lard.
Lard.

This fun word substitution game takes you from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in 33 amazing steps! Substitute one word at a time until your goal is reached!

DIP STICK

DIP SHIT

BULL SHIT

BULL CRAP

HORSE CRAP

HORSE HOCKEY

AIR HOCKEY

AIR HEAD

BLOCK HEAD

BLOCK BUSTER

GHOST BUSTER

GHOST HUNTER

BIRD HUNTER

BIRD BRAIN

LAME BRAIN

LAME ASS

DUMB ASS

DUMB FUCK

SICK FUCK

SICK ROOM

BED ROOM

BED BUG

CUDDLE BUG

CUDDLE FISH

GOLD FISH

GOLD DIGGER

GRAVE DIGGER

GRAVE YARD

JAIL YARD

JAIL BAIT

STINK BAIT

STINK BUTT

LARD BUTT

Can you go from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in fewer steps? Give it a try!

Some weird and disturbing diets.

Road kill diet is recommended.
Road kill diet is recommended.

I realize I’m no gourmet, but egads! Try to digest this!

One fun website that contains a bunch of weird and cool stuff lists eight people who have unconventional diets. The grotesque grub these folks chow down on makes my mixed cereal dinners and cold pizza breakfasts look delightful and nutritious.

For example, anyone for some road kill? You know, dead squirrels and possums can be prepared in so many mouth-watering ways, why would anybody devour anything else? And it’s free! Check out the frugal guy who enjoys rats, crows, hedgehogs, snakes, and possibly other unfortunate stray who-knows-what discovered on the local highway. One flattened animal’s misfortune is his good fortune!

Okay, maybe you have some redneck cousins who like to harvest and chomp down on fresh roadkill, and that diet doesn’t strike you as terribly unusual. So what about the girl who can eat nothing but spoonfuls of Tic Tacs? Or the brilliant professor who lost some unhealthy weight on a Twinkie diet? Or the pleasant fellow who has eaten 25,000 Big Macs? (It’s no wonder billions and billions have been sold.) Surely you’ll consider one of these diets to be at least slightly unusual.

This post is categorized under Cool Deals (for the free road kill), but for the Twinkies, Big Macs and Tic Tacs you’ll need to find a coupon.