Tag Archives: silly

Elmer’s rather unusual flight jacket.

My eccentric uncle Elmer keeps warm in his rather unusual flight jacket.
My eccentric uncle Elmer keeps warm in his rather unusual flight jacket.

I spotted dear Uncle Elmer out this weekend enjoying himself. The cool Autumn evening was perfect for a romp. He donned his flight jacket and bounded about as the full moon rose.

How to act very weird on a public bus.

A public bus where some people have acted weird.
Another bus where a few people have acted weird.

Just in case you’d like to act extremely weird on a public bus, here are a few good ideas:

1. Show riders a map of New York and ask them for directions to Lake Michigan.

2. Ride in the front seat and act as a colorful tour guide.

3. Tell nearby riders that you’re Elvis.

4. Grab the nearest pole. Pole dance.

5. After slipping on Groucho Marx glasses, test a few of your new snappy jokes on a captive audience.

6. Duck behind your seat and provide a finger puppet show.

7. Use the hand straps for gymnastics.

8. The aisle is your stage. Be a mime!

9. Flap your arms like a chicken.

10. Tell a random stranger “Good morning.”

Tourists attacked by leaping killer whale.

Killer whale one second before devouring eight tourists.
Killer whale one second before devouring eight tourists.

A killer whale was photographed the very moment it leapt from the sparkling blue bay, attacking and devouring eight tourists who were out for a leisurely stroll. This photo was taken one second before the innocent tourists succumbed to their fishy fate.

The crumpled clothes of earlier victims are visible nearby on the grass. Avoid this waterfront park at all costs.

Captain America instructs eager new sidekick.

Captain America and Rapper Sidekick with patriotic undies and socks.
Captain America and new sidekick with patriotic undies and socks.

Captain America’s original sidekick, Bucky, ended up being too much trouble. When young Bucky was brainwashed into becoming the villainous Winter Soldier, Cap missed the good old days. It’s much more fun when you have a happy-go-lucky youngster at your side.

Fortunately, the first Avenger found the perfect new sidekick. His name is Relax, the hip hop hero. In this photograph we see the red-white-and-blue duo clearing a safe path for humanity.

Ten ways to get rid of an annoying house guest.

fart zone warning sign
Good-bye.  Farewell.  Good riddance.

Here are 10 extremely effective ways to quickly get rid of that annoying house guest:

1. Ask your guest to let you know if they see the escaped python.

2. Tell them to frequently wash their hands because the cat has worms again.

3. Thank them profusely for their help painting the garage tomorrow.

4. Find that old trombone you played in high school.

5. Tell them Aunt Margie with the defective hearing aid is coming over for dinner.

6. When your guest talks about their spouse, laugh at inappropriate moments.

7. Leave that really bizarre sex toy on the guest room nightstand.

8. Tell them Uncle Bob died in that bed.

9. Itching power in the bedsheets.

10. Eat lots of beans.

Amazing biotech miracle: How to grow a new penis!

You might grow two penises.
You might grow two penises.

Recently a human ear was grown on the stomach of a rat using stem cell technology.

Experimental biology has produced many amazing breakthroughs, including the ability to grow complete human organs. In the future, once medical technology reaches a certain level of advancement, humans might never die. Humans might become immortal. When an organ fails, it will be replaced.

This includes the penis.

Just think. Thanks to the advancement of scientific knowledge, when your limp old dick finally wears out (and it will), one day your doctor might be able to order a brand new one.

Like a forever-youthful god, you and your manly appendage will become immortal.

While it’s impossible to know the future precisely, each new penis that you acquire will probably be grown on a lobotomized clone, in a vat of liquid protein, or on a pig.

Genetic techniques might also be developed, greatly altering humans. Like a lizard regrowing its tail, your future self might be able to regrow a new penis. That is, after your useless old schlong is cut off.

It’s actually even possible that you might grow a second or third penis.

You might grow a second penis on your chin, for example. And then you might grow a third penis on your foot.

The future will be full of astonishing miracles!