I spotted dear Uncle Elmer out this weekend enjoying himself. The cool Autumn evening was perfect for a romp. He donned his flight jacket and bounded about as the full moon rose.
Just in case you’d like to act extremely weird on a public bus, here are a few good ideas:
1. Show riders a map of New York and ask them for directions to Lake Michigan.
2. Ride in the front seat and act as a colorful tour guide.
3. Tell nearby riders that you’re Elvis.
4. Grab the nearest pole. Pole dance.
5. After slipping on Groucho Marx glasses, test a few of your new snappy jokes on a captive audience.
6. Duck behind your seat and provide a finger puppet show.
7. Use the hand straps for gymnastics.
8. The aisle is your stage. Be a mime!
9. Flap your arms like a chicken.
10. Tell a random stranger “Good morning.”
I hope you enjoy this very inspirational message.
I stopped by the local car repair shop one recent afternoon, and imagine my shock, dismay and disappointment. This is what I sadly observed. Your trusted, hard-working auto mechanic likely does the exact same thing.
And I thought he was repairing my power dual choker piston harmonic compensator.
Nice work, if you can get it!
These text message abbreviations are often misunderstood:
ttfn ==> ta ta for now
awhfy ==> are we having fun yet?
ggcb ==> good grief charlie brown
acid ==> a crazy ignorant dipshit
adih ==> another day in hell
afahmasp ==> a fool and his money are soon parted
doofus ==> done only on fridays under secrecy
bbamfic ==> big bad ass mother fucker in charge
poahf ==> put on a happy face
fukk ==> foolish, unworthy, knuckleheaded klutz
potato ==> person over thirty acting twenty one
snot ==> style novice over there
puke ==> pucker up kinky elf
tmtowtdi ==> there’s more than one way to do it
krabby ==> killer racks and bodacious babes yonder
stench ==> so that even nitwits can hear
lmkhtwofy ==> let me know how that works out for you
fart ==> fresh and ripe taste
lame ==> let’s all mimic elmo
taco ==> turn and cough only
blah ==> blonde loud asinine hole
dilligas ==> do i look like i give a shit
lshitipal ==> laughing so hard i think i peed a little
hsyrdin ==> holy shit you really did it now
trtftieds ==> that’s really the funniest thing i ever did see
ssistlbts ==> so stupid i started to laugh but then stopped
oatnwttirc ==> only a true nimrod would think that is remotely clever
nittyarttioomm ==> now i’m thinking that you are reading this thinking i’m out of my mind
fu ==> fooled you
This fun word substitution game takes you from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in 33 amazing steps! Substitute one word at a time until your goal is reached!
Can you go from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in fewer steps? Give it a try!
I’ve seen cool mascots and I’ve seen cute mascots. Now, thanks to this nifty web page, I’ve seen stupid and ridiculous mascots! Thank goodness I didn’t attend any of these colleges. I would be completely embarrassed to show myself in public.
Let’s play a game! Which of the 50 states is stupid enough to have the following laws?
–It is illegal to stop a child from jumping over puddles of water.
–It is illegal to ride a merry-go-round on Sunday.
–Biting someone with natural teeth is considered “simple assault,” but biting someone with false teeth is “aggravated assault.”
–It is illegal to step out of an airplane in flight.
–It is illegal to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other pets.
–It is illegal to walk across the street on your hands.
–It is illegal for women wearing a red dress to be out on the street after seven.
–It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
The answer: EVERY state has such stupid laws.
See all the absurd and stupid laws at this website!
The Uncyclopedia is the positively useless encyclopedia that any lovable fool can edit.
Some uninformative entries include:
I am better than fish
How To: Use a Public Restroom
Sock’em Bopper Experiment
I wrote this article while drunk
Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition
Emperor Galactus of the World and Universe
Generic Theory of Probably Something 2
Cable the Larry Guy
Office Worker’s Rant: An Excerpt
Tea and Strumpets
Some guy you’ve never heard of
Commonly Misunderstood Radiohead Lyrics
Fluffy Bunny World
If you need a thoughtful resource on any subject, it would be best to look elsewhere. If you want a good laugh, or to roll your eyes at lots of inane and stupid stuff, check out the Uncyclopedia!