Tag Archives: dumb

Elmer’s rather unusual flight jacket.

My eccentric uncle Elmer keeps warm in his rather unusual flight jacket.
My eccentric uncle Elmer keeps warm in his rather unusual flight jacket.

I spotted dear Uncle Elmer out this weekend enjoying himself. The cool Autumn evening was perfect for a romp. He donned his flight jacket and bounded about as the full moon rose.

How to act very weird on a public bus.

A public bus where some people have acted weird.
Another bus where a few people have acted weird.

Just in case you’d like to act extremely weird on a public bus, here are a few good ideas:

1. Show riders a map of New York and ask them for directions to Lake Michigan.

2. Ride in the front seat and act as a colorful tour guide.

3. Tell nearby riders that you’re Elvis.

4. Grab the nearest pole. Pole dance.

5. After slipping on Groucho Marx glasses, test a few of your new snappy jokes on a captive audience.

6. Duck behind your seat and provide a finger puppet show.

7. Use the hand straps for gymnastics.

8. The aisle is your stage. Be a mime!

9. Flap your arms like a chicken.

10. Tell a random stranger “Good morning.”

Shocking truth about car repair shops.

what your auto mechanic actually does

I stopped by the local car repair shop one recent afternoon, and imagine my shock, dismay and disappointment. This is what I sadly observed. Your trusted, hard-working auto mechanic likely does the exact same thing.

And I thought he was repairing my power dual choker piston harmonic compensator.

Nice work, if you can get it!

Misunderstood text message abbreviations.

This text should be abbreviated.
This text should be abbreviated.

These text message abbreviations are often misunderstood:

ttfn ==> ta ta for now

awhfy ==> are we having fun yet?

ggcb ==> good grief charlie brown

acid ==> a crazy ignorant dipshit

adih ==> another day in hell

afahmasp ==> a fool and his money are soon parted

doofus ==> done only on fridays under secrecy

bbamfic ==> big bad ass mother fucker in charge

poahf ==> put on a happy face

fukk ==> foolish, unworthy, knuckleheaded klutz

potato ==> person over thirty acting twenty one

snot ==> style novice over there

puke ==> pucker up kinky elf

tmtowtdi ==> there’s more than one way to do it

krabby ==> killer racks and bodacious babes yonder

stench ==> so that even nitwits can hear

lmkhtwofy ==> let me know how that works out for you

fart ==> fresh and ripe taste

lame ==> let’s all mimic elmo

taco ==> turn and cough only

blah ==> blonde loud asinine hole

dilligas ==> do i look like i give a shit

lshitipal ==> laughing so hard i think i peed a little

hsyrdin ==> holy shit you really did it now

trtftieds ==> that’s really the funniest thing i ever did see

ssistlbts ==> so stupid i started to laugh but then stopped

oatnwttirc ==> only a true nimrod would think that is remotely clever

nittyarttioomm ==> now i’m thinking that you are reading this thinking i’m out of my mind

fu ==> fooled you

From DIP STICK to LARD BUTT: a fun word game!

Lard.
Lard.

This fun word substitution game takes you from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in 33 amazing steps! Substitute one word at a time until your goal is reached!

DIP STICK

DIP SHIT

BULL SHIT

BULL CRAP

HORSE CRAP

HORSE HOCKEY

AIR HOCKEY

AIR HEAD

BLOCK HEAD

BLOCK BUSTER

GHOST BUSTER

GHOST HUNTER

BIRD HUNTER

BIRD BRAIN

LAME BRAIN

LAME ASS

DUMB ASS

DUMB FUCK

SICK FUCK

SICK ROOM

BED ROOM

BED BUG

CUDDLE BUG

CUDDLE FISH

GOLD FISH

GOLD DIGGER

GRAVE DIGGER

GRAVE YARD

JAIL YARD

JAIL BAIT

STINK BAIT

STINK BUTT

LARD BUTT

Can you go from DIP STICK to LARD BUTT in fewer steps? Give it a try!

Totally stupid: the weirdest college mascots

College mascots fight to the death.
College mascots fight to the death.

I’ve seen cool mascots and I’ve seen cute mascots. Now, thanks to this nifty web page, I’ve seen stupid and ridiculous mascots! Thank goodness I didn’t attend any of these colleges. I would be completely embarrassed to show myself in public.

A bunch of incredibly stupid laws.

Convicted of simple assault.
Convicted of simple assault.

Let’s play a game! Which of the 50 states is stupid enough to have the following laws?

–It is illegal to stop a child from jumping over puddles of water.

–It is illegal to ride a merry-go-round on Sunday.

–Biting someone with natural teeth is considered “simple assault,” but biting someone with false teeth is “aggravated assault.”

–It is illegal to step out of an airplane in flight.

–It is illegal to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other pets.

–It is illegal to walk across the street on your hands.

–It is illegal for women wearing a red dress to be out on the street after seven.

–It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

The answer: EVERY state has such stupid laws.

See all the absurd and stupid laws at this website!

Learn useless stuff with the Uncyclopedia.

No, not the Underwearcyclopedia.
No, not the Underwearcyclopedia.

The Uncyclopedia is the positively useless encyclopedia that any lovable fool can edit.

Some uninformative entries include:

I am better than fish
How To: Use a Public Restroom
Sock’em Bopper Experiment
I wrote this article while drunk
Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition
Emo Rap
Emperor Galactus of the World and Universe
Generic Theory of Probably Something 2
Unicycle-riding bears
Cable the Larry Guy
Office Worker’s Rant: An Excerpt
Tea and Strumpets
Some guy you’ve never heard of
Pointy Sticks
Commonly Misunderstood Radiohead Lyrics
Fluffy Bunny World

If you need a thoughtful resource on any subject, it would be best to look elsewhere. If you want a good laugh, or to roll your eyes at lots of inane and stupid stuff, check out the Uncyclopedia!