Tag Archives: weird

A festive middle finger for my Christmas tree!

Put a FUCK YOU finger ornament on your festive Christmas tree this year!
Put an inspiring FUCK YOU finger ornament on your festive Christmas tree this year!

I love the internet. Life has become so much better with it. The coolest stuff ever imagined can be easily found and delivered to your front door with only a few clicks.  It’s so convenient!

Take for example this festive middle finger Christmas tree ornament. It would look great among the angels, chains of popcorn and holiday candles. I’m going to get one!  It should be here in a few days, just in time to impress my dear mother-in-law!

Merry Christmas!

Woman stuck in washing machine for 32 hours.

Boston woman was stuck in washing machine for 32 hours before help was finally rendered.
Boston woman stuck in washing machine for 32 hours.

Local television news yesterday included reports of a woman stuck in a laundromat washing machine for nearly 32 hours. The woman, Bethany Chelker of South Boston, became trapped in the machine the day before while trying to extract a small article of clothing.

Bethany explained that hundreds of bystanders refused to provide her with help. A number of onlookers even made nasty jokes. “I can’t believe how rude some people are,” she said.

City workers finally managed to extract the unfortunate victim, and transported her to a nearby hospital for observation.

Creepy Batman is just a lonely guy.

Citizens ignore sad Batman, who mopes and shuffles along.
Citizens ignore sad Batman, who just mopes and shuffles along.

Many have suggested that Batman isn’t really a superhero. They’ve put forth the theory that the Caped Crusader is nothing more than a sad, ineffective, lonely guy. And a bit of a creep.

I have two photographs which tend to give weight to this theory.

Here are rare photos of sad Batman out on a lonely walk down a city sidewalk, ignored by hundreds of passing citizens. The bat-obsessed fellow just shuffles along, seemingly in a daze, hiding from the cold, cruel world behind his black costume and bizarre mask.

Perhaps he identifies with the small, hated, flying rodent that is blind and hides all huddled up in darkness underground. Sad Batman seems to head nowhere, a lone figure, an anonymous soul, hungry for human contact, but shunning it.

Batman shuns a young man who passes by.
Batman shuns a young man who passes by.

How to act very weird on a public bus.

A public bus where some people have acted weird.
Another bus where a few people have acted weird.

Just in case you’d like to act extremely weird on a public bus, here are a few good ideas:

1. Show riders a map of New York and ask them for directions to Lake Michigan.

2. Ride in the front seat and act as a colorful tour guide.

3. Tell nearby riders that you’re Elvis.

4. Grab the nearest pole. Pole dance.

5. After slipping on Groucho Marx glasses, test a few of your new snappy jokes on a captive audience.

6. Duck behind your seat and provide a finger puppet show.

7. Use the hand straps for gymnastics.

8. The aisle is your stage. Be a mime!

9. Flap your arms like a chicken.

10. Tell a random stranger “Good morning.”

Weird mutant giant saves helpless tourists.

Holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

As we all know, superheroes don’t really exist. So when a genetic freak, a bizarre mutant giant was born in Italy, it became a serious national problem.

Geovanni, who at the age of 16 measured 149 meters tall, frightened everybody. Normal people considered the boy an ungodly freak and a definite nuisance. For a while he worked in a traveling circus. But after he got tangled in the big tent, it became obvious that no sideshow could hold him. For one truly amazing season he played professional basketball, until finally injuring his back from stooping.

The Pisa Chamber of Commerce finally had a brilliant idea. The Leaning Tower was at the point of tipping over. Instead of reinforcing the foundation, which would cost millions and take several years, they simply hired Geovanni. Tourists are now both perfectly safe and delighted!

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.
Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Yesterday a subway car rose through this downtown street like a sandworm from Dune. A young boy nearby remained fearless as the monstrous machinery emerged from its subterranean abode. This brave child, like the Emperor of Dune, might one day choose to become a formidable hybrid. Should this occur, he’ll resemble Thomas the Tank.