Tag Archives: stupid

Tourist photographs a fascinating pigeon.

Excited tourist pauses to carefully photograph a fascinating pigeon.
Excited tourist pauses to carefully photograph a fascinating pigeon.

A tourist stopped in his tracks to whip out his cell phone. He was lucky to have discovered a quite fascinating pigeon. Fortunately, the bird didn’t seem to mind the gaping man. Excitedly, the tourist took several snaps, nodded with satisfaction, thrust the phone into his pocket, and hurried on. He had to catch a flight home.

How to act very weird on a public bus.

A public bus where some people have acted weird.
Another bus where a few people have acted weird.

Just in case you’d like to act extremely weird on a public bus, here are a few good ideas:

1. Show riders a map of New York and ask them for directions to Lake Michigan.

2. Ride in the front seat and act as a colorful tour guide.

3. Tell nearby riders that you’re Elvis.

4. Grab the nearest pole. Pole dance.

5. After slipping on Groucho Marx glasses, test a few of your new snappy jokes on a captive audience.

6. Duck behind your seat and provide a finger puppet show.

7. Use the hand straps for gymnastics.

8. The aisle is your stage. Be a mime!

9. Flap your arms like a chicken.

10. Tell a random stranger “Good morning.”

Famous blogger reveals strange secret to success.

famous blogger reveals success secret

Finally revealed in this jaw-dropping exclusive…the strange secret to a world famous blogger’s amazing success!

What exactly makes some blogs super popular? How is it possible that millions of rabid followers eagerly await some random blogger’s every utterance? It boggles the mind. Have you ever wondered how a stream of insipid writing can produce cyber mega-celebrities? What is their secret?

Pictured above is the explanation.

It’s no wonder the word blog and the word blah seem so alike.

Shocking truth about car repair shops.

what your auto mechanic actually does

I stopped by the local car repair shop one recent afternoon, and imagine my shock, dismay and disappointment. This is what I sadly observed. Your trusted, hard-working auto mechanic likely does the exact same thing.

And I thought he was repairing my power dual choker piston harmonic compensator.

Nice work, if you can get it!

The most amazing thing I learned in college!

A tired old poet named Shakespeare.
A tired old poet named Shakespeare.

My years in college have provided me with all sorts of useful knowledge. I’ve become a veritable human marvel overflowing with profundity and insight.

Higher education was once such a bore. Universities taught students loads of archaic, useless stuff. Take for example World Literature. Once upon a time professors taught the same ancient endless string of moldy poets like Shakespeare, Milton, Blake and Byron. But that old poetry is so overrated. It no longer speaks to modern people. We’ve progressed far beyond that.

About a year ago, my mind was blown away when my college professor introduced our class to some truly bold new poetry. Finally, I’d discovered the sort of modern poetry that actually speaks to me.

By far the most amazing poem that he introduced was one titled Vortex Bathsink. Perhaps you’ve already had the privilege to read it. Vortex Bathsink contains dimensions of sublime profundity that absolutely blows the minds of even today’s most learned. Our class discussed it for three weeks.

I’m certain you’ll understand why this cool poem has become so popular and respected in higher academics.

Here it is:

Turmoil. Marooned. Vomit with irony of wilted
reeds. Such a nice damn, your subway snack.
Spill that kidney. Unhinge a flaked echelon in the tent of ambush
and finally do come, say, yes, always… Big fat accumulations of false kittens!
Do! Do! Now I must do. We must do! Thump! Thump!

New online craze: telephone pole dancing.

Two dancers can strut their stuff.
Two dancers can strut their stuff.

The latest online fad might surprise you. But then again, it might not.

Sexy dancing in public utilizing a telephone pole is the newest, coolest online craze.

Surpassing even the worldwide planking phenomenon in popularity, telephone pole dancing videos are being uploaded to the internet at an astonishing pace.

Bored hipsters, wannabe celebrities, uber-nerds, imitative dullards and impressionable youth are donning their sexiest garb, then locating the nearest telephone pole. (Should you participate in this fad make certain you avoid wood telephone poles. Splinters can hurt. Especially those you’re apt to get while pole dancing.)

Madly gyrating around a telephone pole, telephone pole dancers while dancing are checking their telephones for videos of the latest telephone pole dancers. They’re hoping passersby with telephones (the type that do not require a pole) have uploaded a video of them doing their profound pole dance. Because millions will likely watch that video with awe.

Magic spells that really, truly work.

Magician casts spell on small children.
Magician casts spell on small children.

Honestly. Truly. For sure.

Make your enemies ugly (especially female rivals) by using their picture, smeared mud, a burning match, and the spell: “Here you are so mote you to be uglier by the day till I delay.”

I believe!

Enchant and command anybody (especially boyfriends) simply with a sheet of paper, an orange crayon, an orange candle, and the spell: “Become enchanted with my name, for my spirit and body your heart will flame, do what I wish and what I ask do what I command, every task. And when all is done and all is tame let it vanish, this burning flame.”

Those mystical words are mind-blowing!

And that’s not all! Visit this amazing website and you’ll learn lots of absolutely positively real magic! These ancient, esoteric spells will make someone call you on your cell phone and act like they love you, enhance your beauty, make you glamorous, make boys fall in love with you, make you lose weight, make you have a better musical voice, help you manage emotions, make you have gorgeous hair, make you fertile, not to mention the ordinary teleportation and levitation spells.

They really, truly work! They must! They have to!