Local television news yesterday included reports of a woman stuck in a laundromat washing machine for nearly 32 hours. The woman, Bethany Chelker of South Boston, became trapped in the machine the day before while trying to extract a small article of clothing.
Bethany explained that hundreds of bystanders refused to provide her with help. A number of onlookers even made nasty jokes. “I can’t believe how rude some people are,” she said.
City workers finally managed to extract the unfortunate victim, and transported her to a nearby hospital for observation.
Thank goodness. Another clown has been removed from our streets. We can breathe a little easier These renegade clowns seem to be infesting every nook and cranny of our highly cultured civilization. I direct my everlasting gratitude toward these two energetic, vigilant citizens! Round up every clown you encounter! Bind them securely! Tar and feathers!
The food court of this unusual mall serves live hot dogs to hungry, costumed freaks. This photo provides the shocking evidence. A live hot dog is carried about on a tray by the smiling fast food server, and onlookers grin with anticipation and delight. Are these people really that twisted? Are they raving lunatics? One is even wearing a Spidey outfit! I’m appalled and dismayed. I’m surprised the city health department hasn’t shut this disgraceful place down.
What does a crazy person do when no tin foil is available? Well, the answer is obvious. You imitate the daffy, bug-eyed fellow depicted in the above photo.
Even the craziest among us can figure out how to block mind-controlling telepathic vibrations directed our way by conspiratorial dark overlords. Occasionally I put a stovepipe (not a hat–a real stovepipe) on my delicate cranium, just in case.
I stopped by the local car repair shop one recent afternoon, and imagine my shock, dismay and disappointment. This is what I sadly observed. Your trusted, hard-working auto mechanic likely does the exact same thing.
And I thought he was repairing my power dual choker piston harmonic compensator.