Tag Archives: internet

New online craze: telephone pole dancing.

Two dancers can strut their stuff.
Two dancers can strut their stuff.

The latest online fad might surprise you. But then again, it might not.

Sexy dancing in public utilizing a telephone pole is the newest, coolest online craze.

Surpassing even the worldwide planking phenomenon in popularity, telephone pole dancing videos are being uploaded to the internet at an astonishing pace.

Bored hipsters, wannabe celebrities, uber-nerds, imitative dullards and impressionable youth are donning their sexiest garb, then locating the nearest telephone pole. (Should you participate in this fad make certain you avoid wood telephone poles. Splinters can hurt. Especially those you’re apt to get while pole dancing.)

Madly gyrating around a telephone pole, telephone pole dancers while dancing are checking their telephones for videos of the latest telephone pole dancers. They’re hoping passersby with telephones (the type that do not require a pole) have uploaded a video of them doing their profound pole dance. Because millions will likely watch that video with awe.

Misunderstood text message abbreviations.

This text should be abbreviated.
This text should be abbreviated.

These text message abbreviations are often misunderstood:

ttfn ==> ta ta for now

awhfy ==> are we having fun yet?

ggcb ==> good grief charlie brown

acid ==> a crazy ignorant dipshit

adih ==> another day in hell

afahmasp ==> a fool and his money are soon parted

doofus ==> done only on fridays under secrecy

bbamfic ==> big bad ass mother fucker in charge

poahf ==> put on a happy face

fukk ==> foolish, unworthy, knuckleheaded klutz

potato ==> person over thirty acting twenty one

snot ==> style novice over there

puke ==> pucker up kinky elf

tmtowtdi ==> there’s more than one way to do it

krabby ==> killer racks and bodacious babes yonder

stench ==> so that even nitwits can hear

lmkhtwofy ==> let me know how that works out for you

fart ==> fresh and ripe taste

lame ==> let’s all mimic elmo

taco ==> turn and cough only

blah ==> blonde loud asinine hole

dilligas ==> do i look like i give a shit

lshitipal ==> laughing so hard i think i peed a little

hsyrdin ==> holy shit you really did it now

trtftieds ==> that’s really the funniest thing i ever did see

ssistlbts ==> so stupid i started to laugh but then stopped

oatnwttirc ==> only a true nimrod would think that is remotely clever

nittyarttioomm ==> now i’m thinking that you are reading this thinking i’m out of my mind

fu ==> fooled you

Fan messages to Stickboy of Compressorhead.

Robot with no musical ability.
Robot with no musical ability.

The heavy metal band Compressorhead is taking the world by storm. The robot band, featuring Stickboy on the drums, Fingers on the guitar, and Bones on the bass, has become an international internet sensation in just a few short days.

With his steel mohawk and wicked drumming, Stickboy has emerged as the band’s favorite member. Millions of fans, groupies and geeks are doting over the cybernetic sensation, sending messages to the manic musician of their unequalled affection.

Here are a few excerpts from those messages:

“You rock, metalhead! You’re the real thing!”

“I love your sweet drumming skills. It’s way cool you have four arms. Could you spare a couple for me?”

“You guys have such energy! You make the Strolling Bones look like gaunt, lifeless humans!”

“I dig the mohawk, dude. I’m gonna unscrew my devil horns and screw in some steel spikes.”

“You’re so hot. Once you’re wheeled backstage, can we maybe hookup?”

“I’d really like to see you guys do an Unplugged album.”

Sign up to colonize Mars.

Make this your new home.
Make this your new home.

Okay wannabe astronauts, now that I have your attention… I actually haven’t figured out where you can sign up for a Mars mission. Sorry. But I DO know where you can prepare yourself mentally: at the Marspedia!

Learn everything you’ll need to know about your future journey to and colonization of the red planet!

Be bold! Go where no one has gone before! Prepare yourself for the ultimate adventure! And you better be very very well-prepared, because to save money and resources, chances are you won’t be returning to Earth!

Spend the remainder of your life on a barren red rock! Melt water ice! Smelt rocks! Avoid dust storms! Eat algae! Oh, boy! Where can I sign up?

Perhaps the most ridiculous Wikipedia pages.

Wikipedia includes Uncombable Hair Syndrome.
Wikipedia includes Uncombable Hair Syndrome.

Wikipedia can be very informative. It can also be weird, bizarre, inane, useless and ridiculous. In my opinion the best wikipedia entries are inane, useless and ridiculous.

Here are the twelve most ridiculous wikipedia pages. You could probably add a few hundred or thousand more.

The famous Random Poem Generator!

A nightmare or a poem randomly generated.
A nightmare…or a poem randomly generated.

Are you a poet with writer’s block? That blank screen is eating up your innards? Here’s an easy way to create instant poetry!

Generate enough of these bizarre poems and eventually you might get a semi-good one. You’ll certainly get lots of funny and absurd ones.

Should you generate a really brilliant poem, and have it published, don’t forget to credit your faithful computer! And don’t forget to acknowledge the genius of sheer randomness!

A bunch of super cool things on Google Earth.

Island love.
Island love.

Perhaps you won’t see yourself on Google Earth, but you might see your car illegally double parked on the street or your neighbor sunbathing naked! Better yet, you might see any number of the weird and super-interesting things linked on this fascinating website.

Perhaps Google should be called goggle, or ogle. Who knew such bizarre stuff could be found on this planet we fondly call the big blue marble?

Chat with weird computer intelligence.

This computer would like to chat.
This computer would like to chat.

Tired of chatting with humans? Those two-legged creatures are just too darn uninteresting and predictable? Why not converse with a machine? Have a nice conversation with a Jabberwacky bot named George or Joan, or bots created by other users on this clever and original “artificial intelligence” website.

Of course, you can create your own unique bot! The more you chat, the more your bot learns how to mimic you. Kind of like having a doting computerized sidekick.

The resulting chats can be a bit bizarre and nonsensical, but they’ll keep you entertained for a little while, maybe…