Tag Archives: news

Woman stuck in washing machine for 32 hours.

Boston woman was stuck in washing machine for 32 hours before help was finally rendered.
Boston woman stuck in washing machine for 32 hours.

Local television news yesterday included reports of a woman stuck in a laundromat washing machine for nearly 32 hours. The woman, Bethany Chelker of South Boston, became trapped in the machine the day before while trying to extract a small article of clothing.

Bethany explained that hundreds of bystanders refused to provide her with help. A number of onlookers even made nasty jokes. “I can’t believe how rude some people are,” she said.

City workers finally managed to extract the unfortunate victim, and transported her to a nearby hospital for observation.

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.
Subway car rises like a sandworm from Dune.

Yesterday a subway car rose through this downtown street like a sandworm from Dune. A young boy nearby remained fearless as the monstrous machinery emerged from its subterranean abode. This brave child, like the Emperor of Dune, might one day choose to become a formidable hybrid. Should this occur, he’ll resemble Thomas the Tank.

Aussie billionaire to clone dinosaurs.

They're more approachable this way.
They’re more approachable this way.

Watching humans being devoured by T. Rex in Jurassic Park wasn’t exciting enough? Fear not! Soon (perhaps) you’ll be able to visit a real dinosaur adventure resort!

Yes, a clever Australian billionaire has announced his intentions to clone some dinosaurs and set them free down under for the amusement of the meaty and moneyed masses. Disneyland will finally have some real competition once the velociraptors and other cuties are roaming about on exhibit. Hopefully there is a backup generator for the electrical fences, and the computer software running the park isn’t sabotaged. And hopefully they pay their software programmers well. When you’ve got billions of dollars, you’d think that would be possible.

Okay, I gotta say it… A fun amusement park filled with living dinosaurs would be the ultimate tourist trap!