I love the internet. Life has become so much better with it. The coolest stuff ever imagined can be easily found and delivered to your front door with only a few clicks. It’s so convenient!
Take for example this festive middle finger Christmas tree ornament. It would look great among the angels, chains of popcorn and holiday candles. I’m going to get one! It should be here in a few days, just in time to impress my dear mother-in-law!
Work sucks. You want to go home early. But you don’t have a good excuse.
Here’s what you do:
Place yourself in the company bathroom. Keep the door open. Place this fake vomit on the floor just inside the door.
Wait for a coworker to come strolling by outside. As they pass, kneel over the phony barf. Groan very loudly so your coworker looks inside the bathroom. Once they’ve had a good look at you bending over your plastic puke, straighten up and slam the door.
Your coworker will soon pass word around the office that you vomited. Just how gross and disgusting your vomit was will be described. It contained nasty chunks. Within a few moments your boss will be informed.
Pocket your fake vomit. After several minutes flush the toilet and emerge from the bathroom.
Go directly to your boss and explain you don’t feel well.