Tag Archives: beer

Funny sign: Try saying these words when drunk.

Funny sign:  Try saying these words when you're drunk.

This funny sign proves that beer should not be combined with complex mental activity.

These words are difficult to say after three beers: Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

These words are difficult to say after four beers: Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.

These words are almost impossible to say when you’re extremely drunk:

1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. Good evening officer isn’t it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.
6. Sorry I’m being such a jackass.

Laugh at the Internet’s nastiest gag gifts!

Practical food advice for hungry bachelors.

Lots of great meals.
Lots of great meals.

Q. How long do you microwave a chicken and peanut butter burrito?

A. Until it just begins smoking.

Q. Which end of the burrito do you eat first?

A. The end nearest your mouth.

Q. How do you know if milk has gone bad?

A. Believe me, it has.

Q. How much spoiled milk can you consume before vomiting?

A. That depends on how drunk you are.

Q. Should you salvage a meal that slipped from your grasp and plummeted to the floor?

A. Is it solid or liquid?

Q. How do you mask unsightly beer stains on new carpeting?

A. Widely spill more beer.

A house made of six million beer bottles.

Basic home building materials.
Basic home building materials.

Perhaps you remember the Six Million Dollar Man. He was fairly awesome. But have you heard of the even more awesome Six Million Beer Bottle House in Argentina? That’s quite a stack of beer bottles!

To drink six million beers, it would take you approximately three years. (Assuming you chug four beers per minute and continue without stopping, even to pee.)

Another interesting factoid: Six million beers would fill approximately one Olympic-size swimming pool.

And here we have some super cool Brazilian guy who can cleverly store all that cold refreshing beer in his house with no problem whatsoever!

Perhaps he’ll install a backyard pool to double his beer storage capacity. That’s a yellowish liquid I wouldn’t mind taking a dip in!

Let’s celebrate human ingenuity by singing a chorus of Six Million Bottles of Beer in the Wall!

How to score free beer.

Make sure that no one is looking.
Make sure that no one is looking.

Here are a number of important pointers concerning Saturday night, sincere friendship, home brewing, halftime celebrations, bar hopping, basic everyday manners, inebriation, and most importantly, how to score free beer:

1. Never let people see you vomit.

2. As you become intoxicated, make certain you remain sociable.

3. Very gradually, drink by drink, become more entertaining.

4. Never sip. Your host might fear you are being critical.

5. Never move too quickly. (Avoid spills.)

6. Never beg. Apply lavish, enthusiastic compliments instead. That really is the best brew you’ve ever tasted.

7. Enliven the party by showing everyone that strange trick with your tongue. Place bets that you can repeat the trick later.

8. Drink beer through your nose.

9. Drop a cocktail napkin accidentally on the floor. Sop up your spilt beer.

10. Find an empty glass and wring your shirt when you get home.

Beer for future space tourists.

Heading toward the keg.
Heading toward the keg.

A clever Australian brewer has peered into the future and seen a booming demand for beer in space. So now you can drink a refreshing cold brewski specifically crafted for giddy, orbitting space tourists! Cheers!

Here are the facts. In low gravity your tongue swells. This might result in strange speech impediments. And a loss of tasting ability. So this space brew is infused with super chocolate and caramel flavoring. Heck, now that I think about it, down here on Earth this new beer is sounding quite yummy. But on the other hand, the low carbonation that prevents weightless floating globs of belched beer from drifting into your blinking eyes doesn’t sound particularly fun. Don’t laugh at me. I like to belch, dang it. So maybe on second thought I’ll skip going into space. A few cheap Buds on my ratty old couch in front of a spaced-out, insipid television show is just fine.