Tag Archives: aunts

Rude giraffe sticks tongue out at my aunt.

Rude giraffe sticks tongue out at my horrified Aunt Bessie.
Rude giraffe sticks tongue out at my horrified Aunt Bessie.

Thank goodness for the invention of cell phones. Now everybody can capture life’s precious moments with a quick flick of the finger.

My Aunt Bessie was scandalized when an otherwise polite giraffe stuck its long tongue out with sincere derision. The beast craned its neck for a really good look at my horrified relative. Then out came its mocking blue tongue.

I’ve been tempted to do something similar. But, alas, I’m a more civilized creature. All I can do is frame the wonderful photo and place it on the desk in my cubicle.

Make the most of a horrid Christmas gift.

Yes, it's hideous.
Yes, it’s hideous.

A promising New Year has begun! Your annoying Aunt Matilda has returned to Sheboygan. Now what should you do with that gruesome sweater she so generously gave you for Christmas?

Here are some creative ideas:

1. Regift the ugly thing to your worst enemy.

2. Wash repeatedly in hot water. Convert the ghastly thing into a snug outfit for your chihuahua.

3. Wrap the awful, unsightly thing around a two by four. Makes a great scratch post for your kitty.

4. Dip that sweater in soapy water. Use it to dislodge grime from your car’s hubcaps.

5. Add to compost pile.

6. Cut into small squares to glue under the legs of wobbly furniture.

7. Make a hideous (but practical) seat cover for your child’s Big Wheel.

8. With a little imagination, convert the horrid sweater into a colorful welcome matt. (Good for wiping feet.)

9. Convert the dang thing into thermal underwear. (After all, thermal underwear is supposed to be itchy.)

10. Regift it to dumpster divers.