The most amazing thing I learned in college!

A tired old poet named Shakespeare.
A tired old poet named Shakespeare.

My years in college have provided me with all sorts of useful knowledge. I’ve become a veritable human marvel overflowing with profundity and insight.

Higher education was once such a bore. Universities taught students loads of archaic, useless stuff. Take for example World Literature. Once upon a time professors taught the same ancient endless string of moldy poets like Shakespeare, Milton, Blake and Byron. But that old poetry is so overrated. It no longer speaks to modern people. We’ve progressed far beyond that.

About a year ago, my mind was blown away when my college professor introduced our class to some truly bold new poetry. Finally, I’d discovered the sort of modern poetry that actually speaks to me.

By far the most amazing poem that he introduced was one titled Vortex Bathsink. Perhaps you’ve already had the privilege to read it. Vortex Bathsink contains dimensions of sublime profundity that absolutely blows the minds of even today’s most learned. Our class discussed it for three weeks.

I’m certain you’ll understand why this cool poem has become so popular and respected in higher academics.

Here it is:

Turmoil. Marooned. Vomit with irony of wilted
reeds. Such a nice damn, your subway snack.
Spill that kidney. Unhinge a flaked echelon in the tent of ambush
and finally do come, say, yes, always… Big fat accumulations of false kittens!
Do! Do! Now I must do. We must do! Thump! Thump!