A brave new world of dogs watching television.

Dog watching its favorite television show.
Dog watching its favorite television show.

You’ve parked your child in front of the boob tube. So surely Fido will be dazzled by TV, too. Right?

It seems everybody loves Dog TV. Everyone is talking about it. Everyone except your dog. But if your beloved pet could throw a few words together, would it recommend the doggie channel?

Fido blinks with interest as he watches a video of napping dogs. Couch potato Fido raises his head to catch the latest on fascinating bouncing balls. Fido rushes the screen thinking a squirrel has magically appeared in your living room. That rascally squirrel is more lifelike and vibrant than ever! Bark! Bark! Pounce–collision–ouch. All he’s left with is just a wet dog nose squashed up against the cold, lifeless screen.

Here comes that uncatchable squirrel again! Bark! Bark!

Ah, television marks the progress of an advanced civilization. Honey Boo Boo and the Kardashians and dog stars posing on camera for the edification of all. It’s a brave new world.

Next they’ll develop music for goldfish.