Q. How long do you microwave a chicken and peanut butter burrito?
A. Until it just begins smoking.
Q. Which end of the burrito do you eat first?
A. The end nearest your mouth.
Q. How do you know if milk has gone bad?
A. Believe me, it has.
Q. How much spoiled milk can you consume before vomiting?
A. That depends on how drunk you are.
Q. Should you salvage a meal that slipped from your grasp and plummeted to the floor?
A. Is it solid or liquid?
Q. How do you mask unsightly beer stains on new carpeting?
A. Widely spill more beer.