How to confuse your enemies and escape the jaws of danger.

Perhaps run into this maze and buy some time.
Perhaps run into this maze and buy some time.

You find yourself trapped in a corner. You must act fast. You are faced with imminent peril. The enemy is closing and you cannot run or hide

How do you save your sorry skin? Do you turn the other cheek? Do you plead, grovel and submit?


So what exactly do you do?

You employ misdirection. You surprise, confound and daze your enemy. You do the improbable. The absurd. The incalculable. You throw a monkey wrench into their sorry noggin. You short circuit their neurons.

Fortunately, you’ve memorized a number of effective lines that will take even your most dangerous foes aback. Speak these lines clearly and forcefully and your enemy will be completely confused. They’ll turn into jelly. Their head will explode!

Look your enemy fearlessly in the eye, then say:

Freak Of The Loin

Societal Echo Of The Incomplete Stew

Haven Of The Glowering Sizable Toilet

Radical Screw Starring Clown Fallout

Ungrateful Moose Scared Of Pencils

Alpha Snark

Fuzzy Worm And The Blistered Wolf

Sullen Sound Beyond The Energetic Glue

Congregation Rasping

Assassination Pill With Orbital Creatures

Toothbrush Slave Commitment

Lunacy Of The Didactic Godmother

Tension Of The Failing Alternate Disco

Pants Furry With Nervous Kharma

Serious Frenzy And The Dose

Catatonic Junction Beyond Haunting

Pig Moron

University Of The Bohemian Slip

Enthroned Battery-Powered Skunk

Seething Pacific And Another Coyote

Titanic Sunshine Winning Tragedy

Blooper Bacon For Loathing Slot

Sickness Of The Drooling Dictionary

Sparkling Fork Of Snoopy

Orchestra Hippie Of The Lunatic Window

Breakaway Snake With Smelly Potential

Sagging Maggot

Indecent Weakly Explicit Folk

Conflict Of The Uniform Audience

New Committee Tasting The Clap

Dyslexic Inner Madman

Molten Frog Now Assuming Freeway

Pickled Nose In The Corner

Somatic Horse With A Cramped Tortilla

Rancid Face Of The Astute

Groin Pirate

Hardcore Yawn And The Lesbian

Caustic Zapped Idiot

Damned Cowhide And The Beautiful Octopus

Plague Of Dripping Dreamers

Dissonant Flaming Sauce With Fly

Investments Of Half Paragon

Droopy Balogna

Clanking Aphrodisiac And Remedy Boob

Robo Fist

Fleece Of The Girls

Belief Of The Jelly Mustard

Stuck Grinder Wildest Elation

Flour Buddy Not Beside Worship

Pile Justification And The Latex Calf

Vision Flurry Betrayal Of Pharoah

Small Typhoon Alibi

Automatic Bullet

Idiot Candy

Corrupt Truth Of Zapped Timeline

Spider Opposite Diving Into Nibble

Snide Clown

Orbital Lockjaw Lateral Trout

Ladies Lockjaw

Pushy Stereo Limited Standard Squishy Plunger

Last Episode Glimpsing Revoked Manifesto

Your Vomit Of Communication

Fluorescent Groin

Premium Tribal Drone Of Vader

Transport Of Juicy Cat Suspense

Downtown Fluid

Yodel And The Blind Devoted Expedition

Jesus Jelly Solo Secretion

Didactic Advantage

Good Apparatus Pulsing Breast

Smog Barnacle

Turmoil Of Leather

Train Of The Tenacious Rocker

Abducted With The Monster Baby

Sucking Eggplant

Knee Of The Plaid Groupie

Hideous Focus Under Unnamed Prick

Before Mayhem The Sonic Of Surfing

Sump Funnel

Death Muse Of Hectic Spool

Assuming Fiddler And The Chafed Junk

Bong Radiator Of The Negative Rival

Strategic Transvestite

Fiddling Flea The Dizzy Rag

Association Without Mankind

Television Dialog From Hell’s Proxy

Public Lick Delirious

Member Squat

Satanic Dork

Once your enemy is baffled, befuddled and bedazzled, and their brains have exploded making a big, sticky mess…then you run for it.