How to score free beer.

Make sure that no one is looking.
Make sure that no one is looking.

Here are a number of important pointers concerning Saturday night, sincere friendship, home brewing, halftime celebrations, bar hopping, basic everyday manners, inebriation, and most importantly, how to score free beer:

1. Never let people see you vomit.

2. As you become intoxicated, make certain you remain sociable.

3. Very gradually, drink by drink, become more entertaining.

4. Never sip. Your host might fear you are being critical.

5. Never move too quickly. (Avoid spills.)

6. Never beg. Apply lavish, enthusiastic compliments instead. That really is the best brew you’ve ever tasted.

7. Enliven the party by showing everyone that strange trick with your tongue. Place bets that you can repeat the trick later.

8. Drink beer through your nose.

9. Drop a cocktail napkin accidentally on the floor. Sop up your spilt beer.

10. Find an empty glass and wring your shirt when you get home.

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